Discretion
Discreet Friends With Benefits: Private by Design
What you do with your evenings is nobody's business but yours.
A private arrangement, kept private
A discreet friends with benefits arrangement is one only the two of you know about. On Older Friends with Benefits that starts with the basics: a username instead of your name, your nearest town instead of your address, and nothing about you shared beyond what you choose to put on your profile.
Discretion matters more as you get older. You may have grown-up children with opinions, colleagues who know your face, a small town where everyone talks, or simply a strong sense that your private life is private. None of that should stop you enjoying a regular lover. It just means doing it with a little care.
How the site protects you
- Usernames only. Your real name and email are never shown, so nobody can look you up on social media from your profile.
- Town, not street. Members see your nearest town or city and nothing more precise, ever.
- Instant blocking. If someone you know turns up, or someone makes you uneasy, block them and they can't see you or contact you again.
- Blurred explicit images. Anything that may be explicit arrives blurred with a warning, which matters if someone glances at your screen.
- Off-site alerts. If a member pushes to move the chat to WhatsApp or email early, you're warned, because it's a common trick used by scammers.
The full list is on our safety page.
Seven habits of discreet members
Use a separate email address
A fresh address just for the site keeps notifications out of the inbox you share or check at work.
Choose your main photo with care
Plenty of people start with a photo that shows their smile but not the whole picture, then share more in private once they trust someone.
Keep identifying details off your profile
Your job title, your street, your children's school and your car registration have no place on a profile.
Chat on the site first
Hand over a phone number only when you're confident about the person, and consider a second number if you'd rather keep your own private.
Meet away from your patch
A hotel bar or a pub two towns over is less likely to put you in front of your neighbours.
Log out on shared devices
If anyone else uses your tablet or computer, sign out when you're done and keep your screen locked.
Agree the rules of silence
Talk with your friend with benefits about what you'll both keep private: no tagging, no photos together, no turning up unannounced.
Can you have friends with benefits while married?
People ask it often, and the honest answer is that it depends on your marriage, not on any website. Some couples have agreed an open arrangement, or one partner has stepped back from sex for health reasons and the other has their blessing to look elsewhere. For them a discreet friend with benefits can work well.
If you're attached, say so in your profile or early in a chat. The person you meet deserves to know what they're walking into, and being upfront means you'll meet people who are comfortable with it. What you decide about your own relationship is your call; being honest with your friend with benefits is the house rule that keeps it fair.
Discreet friends with benefits: your questions
Can anyone see my real name?
No. Members only ever see your username, your nearest town and whatever you choose to put on your profile.
What if I see someone I know on the site?
Block them. They will no longer see your profile or be able to contact you, and the house rules ask every member to respect other people's privacy.
Is it all right to join if I'm attached?
Any adult can join. Be honest about your situation with the people you talk to, so they can decide whether it suits them too.
Your secret, your rules
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