Safety and privacy
Older Friends With Benefits Safety: Stay Discreet
The protections that run on every account, and the habits that keep a good arrangement good.
Your private life stays yours
You've spent decades building a life and a reputation. Meeting a friend with benefits shouldn't put either at risk.
Older Friends with Benefits combines automatic checks with real people reviewing what gets flagged, and it gives you the controls: what you share, who can reach you and when to walk away. Here is what runs on every account, grouped by what it does for you.
Know who's real
- ID verification. An optional check of a government ID that puts a visible badge on a member's profile, which cuts the risk of being catfished.
- Video verification. A live video check with a moderator confirms someone is who they say they are, without them handing over documents.
- Age assurance. Ages are estimated automatically, with further checks where the law requires them, to keep under-18s off the site.
The checks are optional, so the badge is worth looking for when you decide who to meet. A member who has done one has gone out of their way to show they're genuine.
You decide what's shared
- A username, never your name. Your real name and email address are never shown on the site, so nobody can look you up on social media.
- Your town, never your address. Members see your nearest town or city, never your exact address or where you are right now.
- Blocking. Block anyone straight away and they can no longer see you or contact you.
- Reporting. Report a member or a post from inside the site in a couple of clicks.
Protection in the background
- Behaviour monitoring. Automatic checks look for unusual activity patterns, the kind that point to scammers and bots.
- Content screening. Images, videos and text are screened on upload by automatic tools and human reviewers.
- Explicit image protection. Pictures that may be explicit are blurred, with a warning, until you choose to look.
- Off-site contact alerts. Attempts to move a chat to apps such as WhatsApp are picked up and you're warned, because it's a common scam tactic.
- Ratings and feedback. Every member has a reputation score built from their behaviour and other members' feedback, and you can rate an exchange with one click.
- Fast takedowns. Ask for unauthorised or harmful content to be removed and the team acts quickly.
The site runs on PCI-compliant cloud hosting with full SSL encryption, and the platform follows industry best practice through its involvement with the Online Dating and Discovery Association.
Habits that keep it fun
Keep the first chats on the site
Messages here sit behind the checks above. Move to your phone number once you trust someone, not before.
Have a quick video call
Five minutes on video tells you more than a week of messages, and anyone genuine won't mind.
Meet somewhere public first
A pub, a hotel bar or a café you know. Get there under your own steam and leave when you like.
Tell a friend
Say where you're going and when you'll be back, even if you don't say why.
Look after your health
Use condoms with a new partner and get tested now and then. Our guide to safer sex over 50 covers the NHS services you can use.
Spot a scammer early
Fraudsters target older adults on dating sites because they assume there's money in the bank. The pattern is nearly always the same, so it's easy to recognise once you know it:
- they want to move to WhatsApp or email almost immediately
- they can never quite manage a video call
- there's a sudden emergency: a stranded trip, a medical bill, a frozen account
- they ask for money, gift cards, bank details or a loan, however small
Never send money or gift cards to someone you've met online, and never share your bank details. Report the profile to us straight away. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland you can report fraud to Action Fraud; in Scotland, call Police Scotland on 101.
Read our guide to keeping an arrangement discreet and our tips for a first meeting with a friend with benefits.
What people ask about staying safe
Is Older Friends with Benefits safe?
It has ID and video verification, automatic behaviour monitoring, content screening, blocking and reporting. Pair those with sensible habits, such as meeting in public first and never sending money, and you stay in control.
Can other members see my real name or address?
No. Members see your username and your nearest town or city. Your real name, email address and exact location are never shown.
Do members have to prove who they are?
No, the checks are optional. Members who pass the ID check carry a badge, so look for it when you choose who to meet.
What should I do if someone asks me for money?
Stop replying, report the profile from inside the site and never send anything. If you've already paid, contact your bank and report it to Action Fraud, or to Police Scotland on 101 if you live in Scotland.
Enjoy it with your eyes open
Join, get your ID badge, and meet grown-ups who play by the same rules.
Join free